I got colours ... Lets paint!!!

The beginning of a sem the end of 4th , bullock carts , cars, facebook , girls , money ... Life went out there ,and got itself in a big big hurry, sometimes I lie pensive, juggling people and terms in my mind, sometimes I meander over patches of grass gazing dolefully at the inky sky with pretty little stars winking guilelessly, sometimes. My window opens out to a copse of Deodars lingering on a patch of green , standing tall, as if in deep thought ready to open there eyes and run away any moment, as if wary of something, or is it the hum of my hurried soul that tells me ? I will not know. Across the canopy erected over their thick trunks stretches the powder blue infinity.

I am beleaguered with work at the moment, xeroxes to be burned into memory, nights to be passed sleeplessly, the pangs of student life. Also, I believe ,that some vague idea of how to proceed with my career is materialising, nothing outstanding though, not yet, a "rat race" is always possible for an engineer ,I guess. 

News, I am the raw fish at the gym .. This time though I have made my mind it will be a long spell. The miracle happened few days back,  It was a water volley match between B and R ( And I did see some Aphrodite there :-) ..) and ,I compared with enormous guilt, my flab with the fit B team :-P ..POW, I was crushed, catatonic,pathetic that's when you resolutions are made, in a fit of bravado I went in to the shanty ( still with all its darkness and heat it stares on to a dazzling skyscraper in the backyard :-D so much for an enrapturing view)  gym in hostel, reeking of moist and desolation, pumping Iron had never been better.

Between all this the diaspora frivolity is really irritating me.. IPH-14  is one of the most happy subjects ever, however one has to bear with attending classes too .. not much to ask for in return for easy grades ..going by the monotony of routine,I  really pray that this sem must have something special in store for me!! . I am finally also progressing on intellectual fronts, having met several people, first at my intern, then in college and off course everywhere else, having met so many, and having to listen to so much really stuffs your brain, often with useless colloquial knowledge and worldly wisdom , I feel .

The pessimism that took root in me during the holidays is feeding ,devouring and engulfing me .. I love it, It has done me good , After getting to know the darkness light seems so shallow.. so base, so superfluous . I have come to terms with the "survival daemon" , that which hunts us, that which makes us exist , yet whom we try to shun all our life, so that we may feel in control, especial . Yet it shows in our art,songs,desires,sexuality how we try to survive and rule ours and others life, how all that is left for us is to war , to kill or be killed , or else shun it all, be a mendicant, a beggar who is forgotten by the world .

I still remember the look of emaciation on that boyish face, hallowed eyes , disdain for the world, as if all was burnt and ashes glazed the sky . He was a person I knew, or I thought I knew, until then , but he was a our wasurvivor , I knew that not, time has etched its marks on him reminding of the horrors of our wars . But then to quote the crux of it all "IPH-14"  ... for those who don't have a roof over their head , for them sky is the limit .. If you don't own anything you can own everything...

Meeting bitches, saints, sadists,lambs , pains and everybody else is not left to us .. but choosing what among these we want to be, that is purely a matter of choice.

V4U

Today is that coveted day ... That sexy day when beau and dames be the V-factor to each other .. Today is also the day when herds of disgruntled nerds boil in their agony @IITR , the ones who , feel left behind ,let down and somewhat useless when guys walk hand in hand with the unsuspecting luscious babe .. Even I the Greek hero ,the redeemer of desires am somewhat unable to deliver me self off the temptation of chilling out with those hot , sizzling , mirror cracking objects that move the world ..... Therefore this uninteresting suffrage of a post which will be vague and illogical , some mingled pieces of my zigzagged imagination

I am an overtly self conscious atavist as far as the forbidden fruit goes .My questions are answered before I speak by the insane whispering which incessantly riots in my mental firmament . I am a populist and so my valentines day revolves round all these noetic tussles.

There were those innocent eyes , the smile that lights up weary faces , the unruffled look of someone who is the light of the world. Looking and smiling and then jaunting off . There are people and there are passions and somewhere between them , like a poem , like a letter from a soldier damned and dead in a far off land , like the rain which never stops , like the lonely road ,like the resolute tree, she was . She was perfect .Her voice was like the rain which filled gray clouds ,her eyes was the boundless ocean , she was chiseled to rival Aphrodite .

She was my dream , she was my heart , I yearned for her touch that little altercation .
Life is a sum total of over abilities desire and achievements at-least to the platonic philosopher it may sound so. So finally today is valentines day and I am thinking about her . She is my soul ripped apart but well I guess I am mere mortal , rejections and disappointments are my characteristic features . So I say what I could never say to her as she slipped away she was my only valentine .

Love my dream