I got colours ... Lets paint!!!

The beginning of a sem the end of 4th , bullock carts , cars, facebook , girls , money ... Life went out there ,and got itself in a big big hurry, sometimes I lie pensive, juggling people and terms in my mind, sometimes I meander over patches of grass gazing dolefully at the inky sky with pretty little stars winking guilelessly, sometimes. My window opens out to a copse of Deodars lingering on a patch of green , standing tall, as if in deep thought ready to open there eyes and run away any moment, as if wary of something, or is it the hum of my hurried soul that tells me ? I will not know. Across the canopy erected over their thick trunks stretches the powder blue infinity.

I am beleaguered with work at the moment, xeroxes to be burned into memory, nights to be passed sleeplessly, the pangs of student life. Also, I believe ,that some vague idea of how to proceed with my career is materialising, nothing outstanding though, not yet, a "rat race" is always possible for an engineer ,I guess. 

News, I am the raw fish at the gym .. This time though I have made my mind it will be a long spell. The miracle happened few days back,  It was a water volley match between B and R ( And I did see some Aphrodite there :-) ..) and ,I compared with enormous guilt, my flab with the fit B team :-P ..POW, I was crushed, catatonic,pathetic that's when you resolutions are made, in a fit of bravado I went in to the shanty ( still with all its darkness and heat it stares on to a dazzling skyscraper in the backyard :-D so much for an enrapturing view)  gym in hostel, reeking of moist and desolation, pumping Iron had never been better.

Between all this the diaspora frivolity is really irritating me.. IPH-14  is one of the most happy subjects ever, however one has to bear with attending classes too .. not much to ask for in return for easy grades ..going by the monotony of routine,I  really pray that this sem must have something special in store for me!! . I am finally also progressing on intellectual fronts, having met several people, first at my intern, then in college and off course everywhere else, having met so many, and having to listen to so much really stuffs your brain, often with useless colloquial knowledge and worldly wisdom , I feel .

The pessimism that took root in me during the holidays is feeding ,devouring and engulfing me .. I love it, It has done me good , After getting to know the darkness light seems so shallow.. so base, so superfluous . I have come to terms with the "survival daemon" , that which hunts us, that which makes us exist , yet whom we try to shun all our life, so that we may feel in control, especial . Yet it shows in our art,songs,desires,sexuality how we try to survive and rule ours and others life, how all that is left for us is to war , to kill or be killed , or else shun it all, be a mendicant, a beggar who is forgotten by the world .

I still remember the look of emaciation on that boyish face, hallowed eyes , disdain for the world, as if all was burnt and ashes glazed the sky . He was a person I knew, or I thought I knew, until then , but he was a our wasurvivor , I knew that not, time has etched its marks on him reminding of the horrors of our wars . But then to quote the crux of it all "IPH-14"  ... for those who don't have a roof over their head , for them sky is the limit .. If you don't own anything you can own everything...

Meeting bitches, saints, sadists,lambs , pains and everybody else is not left to us .. but choosing what among these we want to be, that is purely a matter of choice.